


someday (i won't be the one to break your heart)

by mercytio (scundtrack)



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M, Trans Enjolras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 13:37:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20064883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scundtrack/pseuds/mercytio
Summary: soulmarks can be quite telling when they show the most important thing your soulmate will ever say to you





	someday (i won't be the one to break your heart)

**Author's Note:**

> im Going to die for enjbaz thank u

The night wasn't so much chilly as it was empty, leaving the room feeling frosted and dark despite the electric light buzzing above them. Enjolras, still so young and breathtaking, laid uncomfortably in silence, pretending not to hear the words his boyfriend had spoken to him, hoping that if he could ignore it the subject would stop being an issue.

"Do you, then?" asked Bahorel, sat against the headboard and smiling down very gently, seemingly hopeful. Enjolras didn't want to even breathe, to give any hint at processing the words.

"No." he finally muttered far too quietly, after his silence had been dragged out for far too long to allow the conversation to be calming. "I don't think we could be." he added, volume not raising beyond a short whisper.

"Why not? We could be soulmates, not realising it yet." Bahorel responds, fingers carding through the top of Enjolras' hair as the shorter man turned his head to watch Bahorel's expression. The light made the room too bright, reflecting off the cream walls and turning the room into an illuminated hell for moments like these, moments where lower lights and softer touches and lying to comfort a loved one would be not only easier but just generally better as a whole. These dreaded moments where everything in the world is too bright and too loud and the touch on his skin just vaguely aches enough to stop him from identifying whether he's being touched by Bahorel's hand or if it's merely the sheets he's laying on.

Enjolras breathed a small, tired sigh and rolled onto his stomach and leaned his head in his hands to more appropriately face the man he hoped wouldn't be his soulmate. "I don't want you to be. My soulmate doesn't like me." he said, there was no real emotion to his tone, he spoke as if it was a complete fact with no room for any question or debate, he spoke like that a lot when soulmates were brought into question.

"Why would your soulmate not like you, what could possibly tell you that?"

"My soulmark, whoever he is doesn't or won't love me, at some point."

Bahorel stared at him, Enjolras slowly picking at the thread in the sheets they were laying on, noting the slight drop in his shoulders from his usual confident posture and the way he so obviously tried to keep his focus away from the fact he was directing this conversation towards someone else, not just an empty space but a living, breathing person.

Bahorel knew, going into this relationship, that Enjolras did not like the topic of soulmates in a discussion, he had assumed he was just private or hesitant or maybe he had convinced himself that Enjolras being in love with him would have given him the opportunity to ask. Apparently, while he was right, he had the wrong expectations about why Enjolras wouldn't mention it. Enjolras was still not looking at him, he had now moved from picking at the thread in the sheet to having fully removed it and he was now twisting it around itself and tying tiny knots in the single thread.

"Can I-" he paused, internally rephrasing his question while Enjolras moved his head to look up at him, eyes wide and gaze questioning. "Do you want... to show me, the mark I mean?" he settled on, questions like this worked for Enjolras. Questions that were about what he wanted and how he chose to lead the situation, specifically on subjects like this. This was not, could not be, about Bahorel's wants.

The expression in response shouldn't have shocked him, the way Enjolras almost seemed to put his guard up immediately, the shut-off look behind his usually loving and soft eyes, the way he seems to turn cold and almost flinches away. Bahorel doesn't speak further waiting for a definitive answer, allowing Enjolras the opportunity to pass the instinctual reaction to soulmates he's become used to. 

Instead of speaking the blonde turned slightly, laying on his back once again and shuffling slightly. Bahorel waited. Enjolras awkwardly shifted around, lifting the bottom of the shirt he wore - Bahorel's from earlier in the day, one that Enjolras had put on as soon as the opportunity had arisen, it was far too big and barely held onto his shoulders, exposing the beginning of the straps of his binder that Bahorel would have to remind him to take off before passing out this time. 

Bahorel's eyes followed his movements, watching as Enjolras also lifted the bottom of his boxers just slightly, the words on his upper thigh stood out so clearly, the skin around it had clearly experienced a lot. Bahorel knew that feeling, rubbing the skin around one's mark raw until it was permanently sensitive. Enjolras had a few tiny scars, from clearly scratching at the skin and tearing it slightly. 

Bahorel shifted to rest himself low enough to look clearly at the mark and to press a large finger to the words, red text as bright and daunting as the sight of first blood, words that would one day fade to black as they're spoken and then to grey as time fades afterwards. They are right now so bold and red and vibrant, fitting for the man they mark. But just reading them brings Bahorel to an understanding, to the complete and unshaking realisation as to why Enjolras will not talk about his soulmate and why he doesn't want the man he's in love with to be his soulmate. 

The words 'I don't love you anymore' pressed permanently into his skin from the confusing and conflicting age of fifteen. He understands why Enjolras would rather not face the subject as a whole, would prefer to hope his lover isn't his soulmate than allow himself the dread of thinking he may be. His heart had shattered, he thinks this is only half of what fifteen year old Enjolras must have felt, the heavy ache setting into his body and delicate drop of a tear that escaped his eye sliding down his cheek. 

"I love you." he said, hand moving to cover the mark completely. "Soulmate or not, I love you and I don't plan on stopping loving you for a long time." Enjolras failed to suppress a smile, looking away. 

Bahorel pushed himself up and pressed a soft kiss to the edge of Enjolras' lips, watching them turn up even more and a small flush cover his boyfriend's face. "I love you too," Enjorlas whispered back.

"Whoever it is and whatever makes them say this," Bahorel looks too serious for someone usually so happy and lively. "Plenty of people love you, dearly. This one person clearly loses their mind at some point because there are an infinite amount of things to make people, namely me, fall earth shatteringly in love with you." Enjolras turns his head away, smiling with small tears gathering in his eyes. 

"I... I just." Enjolras takes a deep and slow breath. "What does that say about me... that the one person destined to truly be with and love me more than anything will just stop one day?" he asks. 

"It says your apparently going to fall in love with an idiot." said Bahorel. "Have you ever... felt, like you've met them?"

"Not the way people describe it. Not the way people say you can, talk to them and know one day they'll be the person to say it. Never like that." Enjolras paused, he wasn't sure if or how to expand on his point.

"Then how?" encouraged Bahorel.

"I have thought I'd passed it, that it had happened already, it was just something stupid, a break up in high school and god, you'd think hearing the words your soulmate will say can bring comfort but it only hurt, and then when I got home it was still red and that hurt a bit more because, well. Somebody else will stop loving me too."

"There's always more people who will love you too, Jo." Enjolras shook his head just slightly, as if to clear his thoughts, before meeting Bahorel's eyes again.

"Of course I know that," his breath was shaking as he inhaled but his voice showed no sign of distress. "It's easier to deal with knowing I've got other people who love me, of course they do, I have a lot of friends to be grateful for and people in my life that only want what's best for me, but it gets to me sometimes. Days that are worse than others."

Bahorel pressed another kiss to Enjolras' shoulder as Enjolras huffed and relaxed further into the bed and into his boyfriend's arms as they curled around him. "We can deal with that, we can make that work."

"Baz-" Enjolras started and cut himself off. He had a moment of silence with Bahorel looking at him questioningly. "I just want to… clarify." He started again. "I don't want you to feel bad. If you are my soulmate, if you say that one day. It may be sad but I don't want you to hide your feelings for the sake of mine."

Bahorel smiled, a small lift of the corners of his mouth. "I'm shocked anyone will ever be capable of just not loving you one day, I very much don't intend for it to be me."

Enjolras looked up blankly and inhaled through his nose, if he had not known any better Bahorel would say the man was frustrated. "That's not what I'm trying to say."

"I promise not to hide how I feel or hold back on what I say. I know you can take it." Enjolras nods at that, firmly and clearly, in a way shows that was the answer he was looking for. 

"Thank you." his voice is small again but not quite as scared, this time he's more hesitant to break any peace he seems to have built in his mind. Bahorel merely presses another kiss to him, this time his lips find the side of Enjolras' head. He doesn't make a sound either, he also doesn't want to disturb the peace Enjolras has built.

**Author's Note:**

> [follow me on tumblr for my enjbaz breakdowns thanks](https://standardlovers.tumblr.com)


End file.
